“For all of you youngsters so eager to call it quits and throw in the towel on your relationships because everything isn’t “perfect”…here is some food for thought.

Lifelong commitment is not what most people think it is.

It’s not:

• waking up every morning to make breakfast and eat together
• cuddling in bed until both of you fall asleep, peacefully, at night
• a clean home filled with laughter and lovemaking, everyday.

It is:

• someone who steals all the covers
• slammed doors and a few harsh words, at times
• stubbornly disagreeing and giving each other the silent treatment until your hearts heal…and, then…forgiveness!
• coming home to the same person, everyday, that you know loves and cares about you in spite of (and because of) who you are
• laughing about the one time you accidentally did something stupid.
• about dirty laundry and unmade beds WITHOUT finger pointing.
• about helping each other with the hard work of life!
• about swallowing the nagging words instead of saying them out loud.
• about eating the cheapest and easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at 10 p.m. to eat because you both had a crazy day.
• when you have an emotional breakdown and your Love lays with you and holds you and tells you everything is going to be okay…and you BELIEVE them.
• about still loving someone even though, sometimes, they make you absolutely insane.

Living with the person you love is not perfect…sometimes it’s hard; but it’s amazing and comforting and one of the BEST things you’ll ever experience.” – source unknown

Throwing in the towel

Recently, the message above was shared on one of my Facebook friend’s pages. I wish I knew who the original author was because I was blown away with the truth in that post. One thing that I can tell all of you who are thinking about calling it quits with your marriage is that I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!  I GET IT! I, too, have thought about throwing in the towel in my marriage. When we were newlyweds, I pictured this perfect life: the house would always be clean, the meals would always be tasty, the kids would always behave, and my husband would always appreciate everything I did for him.  Gosh, what Hallmark movie had I been watching? In reality, the house never stayed clean. The meals were sometimes burned or late or non-existent. The kids were strong-willed and always seemed to fight with each other. Plus it didn’t seem like anyone, especially my husband, noticed what I did to keep it all together.  It certainly wasn’t like the Hallmark movie and I often thought, “is this what I signed up for?”

So yes, marriage is hard. It takes lots of work. It takes commitment. It takes patience. It takes biting your tongue. It takes making a conscious effort to encourage each other. It takes doing things for your mate just because. There are times that you feel like you are the luckiest girl in the world that he chose you to be his wife. Then, there are those other times…

Looking back

If I could write a letter to my 20-something self back in the 80s, these are some of the things that I would say to myself to encourage me to keep hanging in there:

1. You will fall in love with your husband hundreds of times over the next 34 years.
2. When you see him standing in the cotton field after a hail storm just wiped out all of his hard work, you will fall in love with him.
3. When you experience him as the greatest Lamaze coach that got you through two births, you will fall in love with him.
4. When you see him working from sun up to sun down to provide a great life for you and your children, you will fall in love with him.
5. When you have a bad day at work and come home to his words of encouragement, you will fall in love with him.
6. When you see the pride in his eyes as he watches his children play sports or get an award at school, you will fall in love with him.
7. When you see him teaching his children how to fix a flat on their car, you will fall in love with him.
8. When you see him with tears in his eyes as he says good-bye to his kids going to college, you will fall in love with him.
9. When you see him show kindness to a neighbor, you will fall in love with him.
10. When you see him taking care of his mom who is dying of cancer, you will fall in love with him.
11. When you dance at your son’s wedding, you will fall in love with him.
12. When you see him hold your first grandchild and watch as tears run down his cheek, you will fall in love with him.
13. When you have surgery and he is there for you through every moment of recovery, you will fall in love with him.
14. When you see him deliver a baby calf and see the kindness he shows to the momma, you will fall in love with him.
15. When you watch him treat your parents with respect, you will fall in love with him.
16. When you watch him have a tea party or wear a tiara for his grand daughter, you will fall in love with him.
17. When he reaches over and grabs your hand in the car, you will fall in love with him.
18. When he gets up from the dinner table and starts loading the dishwasher without being asked, you will fall in love with him.
19. When he suggests a date night, you will fall in love with him.
20. When he texts you during the day, just out of the blue, to tell you he loves you, you will fall in love with him.

Yes, marriage is hard. Marriage takes lots of work. However, it is worth it if you will hang in there, be patient with each other and commit your life to God.  Look for moments where you can fall in love over and over and over again. IT WILL BE WORTH IT!

Be Blessed,